Monday, November 02, 2009

PSA: This post in no way is meant to imply that I do not love and cherish my long-time friends...just some deep thoughts

Friends, I have a good amount of them, most of them are long time friends, greater then 10 years, some going back 20 years or so. I love this core group of people, but as I grow and age and learn to try new things I find myself recently (last year or two) opening myself up to new friends. Not to replace my current friends, far from it, but to represent some of my new interests.

You see I don't make new friends very easily, that is not to say I am not outgoing, personable and even charming, without sounding egotistical I believe I can be all of those things. It really is a matter of trust, respect and opening myself to new people and ideas. I tend to close my true self out and while I have tons of acquaintances, I have a relatively small group of true friends as I don't let people in often.

Why is that? Not really sure? I did lose my best friend when I was a teenager and I think that affected me a great deal. I don't think that is entirely why, at this stage in my life I am so busy I tend not to invest a lot of myself into people emotionally unless I feel they are, well worth it sounds harsh, but essentially that is what it boils down to. If I think someone is interesting and could be someone I regard as a friend, I realize I internally weigh them and decide if I can open myself to the idea of friendship with them. It sounds in depth and anal, but it really isn't, I find that within a short time I can determine if I think the person is someone I would enjoy a friendship with.

Why is it such a big deal? Well I consider friends as someone I would sacrifice for, help, support, and invest myself in them and their well-being. I am a very emotional person (despite some opinions to the contrary) and when I click into a friend mode I take that very seriously. Acquaintances I will hang with, get coffee, get lunch, but the core of me will not get revealed, I hold that too close to my chest.

Over the past year or two I have made inroads to some new friends, I would say I have a handful of new friends that I have opened myself too. Some of them don't quite get what that costs me, some do, but regardless I am happier because of it as it has been years since I have let myself have new friends and it is a nice feeling.

PSA 2: I don't think I have had many introspective posts on this blog, usually just hooray a new game or technology type things...probably won't happen often.

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